Christmas on a Tuesday sucks

So it's been a while since i have written. Mostly that's because I have had possibly the busiest month of my life this past month, and since my schedule is already completely opposite from everyone Else's, I haven't had much time to do anything.

But that's another story for another day. Today I would like to discuss how Christmas on a Tuesday can completely mess with your mind. First of all, this year the holiday season seemed SO HYPED. Everyone was super excited about Xmas and the whole world knew it. It was like there was a massive push for the Christmas holiday everywhere you went, and then all of a sudden, here it is, Tuesday, December 25Th, and you're wondering how you got there. Not to mention the fact that waking up on the 26Th leaves one reeling and completely deflated, giving new meaning to the word "post Christmas blues."

I don't know how to describe it, but honestly I had never felt such an intense feeling of emptiness the day after Christmas as I did this year, and I blame that on a number of things. First of all, the hype for Christmas was just too out of control this year. It should be a rule that if XMas falls on a day of the week, we should not be allowed to get super excited for it. Reason for this? Because we get a fleeting twelve hours of actual XMas and then we have to go to bed because we all have WORK the next day- which is in itself a HUGE reality check.

Secondly, I blame the miserable post-XMas weather on the 26th. I woke that morning to torrential rain and gloomy skies, not at all befitting of all the "glory" of the hype that preceded XMas.

Then there's the fact that every person I know had a different holiday work schedule, and because everyone is returning to work on different days and trying to plan events and social gatherings before they go back home created mass chaos in my already fragile brain. For me, a student who is paying for school by bartending, this was the most stressful thing ever. I have no choice but to pack my schedule full of work at the bar during the holidays and following them because that is where the money is. People have holiday money they want to spend and what better way to spend it then on booze? So, a bartender must work the holidays. Therefore, when fifty people call this hardworking bartender and hope to get together before and after the holidays, it just doesn't work out. So then there are hard feelings and cattiness when there shouldn't be, making my anxiety levels sky rocket and irritating the hell out of me.

Honestly, people. There is one thing you must understand. I work at night. Therefore, when you are OFF work, I am just going in. So, no, I cannot get together for lunch and no I cannot get together for dinner, and no, I cannot answer your phone calls when you call me. I am working. Therefore, it is in my opinion, not fair to get mad at me because I cannot get together with you or be on point with your schedule just because a girl needs to bring home the bacon in the only way she can while in school.

But now that I am off of my soapbox, let's get back to the pitfalls of having XMas on a Tuesday. Granted, my Christmas was fabulous and I am thankful to have spent it with my whole family and boytoy in one place. However, let's be honest if Xmas had been on a Friday, the transition back into the real-world would be much easier. For me....and for those who handle stress in normal ways.

With that being said, I call for a resolution to have XMas on the weekends every year. I am sure Jesus will understand.

It's not Valentine's Day but it might as well be

There are certain things, which are hard to explain, but valid nonetheless, which you refuse to bargain. You know who you are, and what goes against your grain, and those things have become your foundation, your core, your rock. These things make you who you are and become your moral compass, pushing you in one direction, steering clear of others.

See, I have always known I have had this foundation inside of me. In times of stress I cling to it, sometimes to a fault, compelling me to hold on and hold tight, no matter where my life leads me. But, herein lies the mystery for me. It is rare that I will let something in so deeply to my heart and to my foundation that it then becomes a part of who I am. New things...new concepts...new people....foreign elements to my life have never had a place in my core foundation. Instead I have held dear to my family...the same friends I have had since high school...the person I have always thought myself to be.

Now bear with me as I try to explain how my foundation has been cracked. Not in a bad way, mind you...let's just say I have realized my core has just expanded to include one more person.

I have always been the type of person who never believed in soul mates. I thought, sure, there are people out there who may compliment you, who you have the potential to build relationships with over time because you naturally "fit" together. And, to a certain degree, I still believe this. But, I have grown to learn over time that once you start to let someone in, and love them and get to know them as a part of your life for a certain period of time, your heart can begin to need them. You may not be predestined to be together, or connected to them in some spiritual way, but I now know it is possible to love someone with every piece of your heart.

Once you begin to love someone in this way, then they become a part of who you are. At some point, there is no turning away...they have officially played into the cliche' of "leaving footprints in your heart." Sure, you could walk away and live life without that person, but the fact of the matter is, you don't WANT to. Instead, you make a decision that the good FAR outweighs the bad. You imagine yourself without this person and you only see bits and pieces...there is no solitary YOU anymore than there would be if you decided to strip away the family, and the friends, and the life that has formed your foundation.

What I have discovered is that this person may not be predestined to me by some divine contract, but that I would never go on without him. I simply don't WANT to. It isn't a dramatic, movie-like story of two people who meet and fall in love and live happily ever after. Instead it is the story of two people who have decided life is better...and the load a little bit lighter...when they are together.

It is then that this person becomes a part of that foundation that you have guided your life by. It is then, when you decide life is simply better with that person, that you have adjusted your entire existence to include and accommodate them in your heart...forever.